


Ruth

by betterrecieved



Category: Spartacus: War of the Damned
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-27
Updated: 2013-03-27
Packaged: 2017-12-06 15:51:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/737445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/betterrecieved/pseuds/betterrecieved
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ficlet. This is one way I think Nagron could repair their relationship post Separate Paths.  Allusions to non-con.  </p><p>Beta'd by the amazingly patient and talented <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/users/MsNJS">MsNJS</a>. Any mistakes are my own!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ruth

As Agron dies, he closes his eyes, dreaming of Nasir.

Nasir who with wretched expression of grief pulls stakes from Agron's palms, unpinning him from cross.

When Agron next opens his eyes, dream is real, and Nasir is stuck to his side like burr.

Do Agron's bandages bleed through?

Let me change them.

No, you cannot fight with Spartacus yet, you must rest.

No, of course I will not leave your side, Agron! War must wait for me to rejoin it.

Agron watches Nasir, who never once looks at Castus, even when Castus is near.

Castus is often near.

Agron watches Castus, who watches Agron back with half-frightened, half-challenging expression, and Agron _knows_.

Agron concentrates on sweet face always before him, anticipating his every need.

He does not torment himself further by asking questions.

He hoards morbidity inside himself, until it is torturous ever-present dull ache which occasionally flares up into sharp pain within his chest when he looks at Nasir.

Nasir's face gives nothing away.

Agron never asks.

At night Nasir lays his head upon Agron's thighs, kisses Agron's skin.

Nasir moves to take Agron's cock into his mouth, but Agron is not ready for this. “No, Nasir,” he says gently.

"It is my fault!" Nasir cries bitterly. "My place was with you!"

"You did only what I asked of you," Agron tells him. "You meant only to spare me pain."

Agron strokes Nasir's hair with side of his injured hand and thinks:

Have I broken him?

But Nasir is here with him whole.

 *

Agron heals slowly and Nasir never leaves his side, even when Agron is back upon his feet.

Castus no longer leers but instead seems determined to perform penance to Nasir, speaking to him as friend.

But Nasir has no time for Castus. It is as if Cilician is dead to Nasir.

Nasir has no time for anything save Agron. He follows Agron everywhere, sometimes trotting to keep up until Agron slows his long strides.

Agron emerges from holding private counsel with Spartacus to find Nasir waiting outside tent like faithful dog.

When Agron walks off to take piss, Nasir trails after him.

Nasir will do nothing that excludes Agron; he will not even obey Spartacus if command takes him farther away from Agron than span of Agron's arms.

Spartacus solves dilemma by pairing them in all tasks.

Agron is soon learning healing arts, grooming horses, taking inventory of supplies and determining rations for coming days.

Nasir undertakes this unceasing river of chores with calm efficiency. He does not say much to Agron but stares up at him now and then, his eyes alight with devotion.

*

When Agron is healed enough they fly into small skirmish to raid Roman villa for supplies, with Nasir - warrior to rival fucking champion gladiator in fearsomeness - beside him.

And Castus - thorn pricking scars on Agron's palms - fights with them.

Amidst clash of sword and spear, Agron can only look on in with clenched heart as Roman just out of his reach attempts to spear Nasir from behind.

Castus appears, lurking as he does in Nasir's shadow, to slice Roman's stomach open through his back.

Nasir does not even spare glance for Castus. His head turns and when his eyes meet Agron's Nasir brightens like small sun.

That night Agron holds Nasir to him while they lie quietly together.

Although they have emerged victorious from battle, Agron does not find himself inflamed. At any other time heavens would shake loose with sweet violence of their fucking.

Agron wonders: What are Nasir's thoughts on this?

Nasir immediately begins to speak of Castus.

"I see your eyes upon Cilician and I," Nasir says. "Know that whatever you may think, there is nothing between us."

In quiet voice Nasir tells him that Castus came to him, and Nasir, heartbroken and lonely, did not fight but gave in to his body's treacherous curiosity.

Nasir insists that Castus' body against his own brought only sick feeling, which twisted thrill coursing through Nasir into self-hatred. And that Castus, feeling Nasir's disconnect, immediately lost his own long-simmering arousal.

To hear Nasir speak of Castus thus is worse than agony of spear through chest.

"Why do you tell me this?" Agron shivers.  Nasir hastily covers him with blankets, but Agron is suffused with marrow-filling coolness which warmth of piled blankets cannot reach.

Agron throws blankets off, sits up and dislodges Nasir from his arms. "I am no longer invalid."

"Agron, I would have us begin again in good trust!"

Agron stares at ceiling of tent while Nasir breaks into soft crying beside him.

"I knew," Agron admits. "From moment I first saw you together."

"You held no trust in me from start?"

"Suspicion was not unwarranted."

Nasir, small man that he is, shrinks into himself, becoming miniscule. "Agron, I swear to you, I did not know what I felt until we left mountaintop. Even then - I was not sure. It was still new feeling. I have loved no other man but you."

Nasir's eyes are huge in his lovely expressive face. Part of Agron that is good, selfless man knows Nasir's words are true, that Nasir cannot lie to him.

"You have not yet tried them all,’ other part of Agron snits before Agron can stop to think. This is facet of himself that Agron would gladly shed like snake's skin to be better man.

Nasir flinches, turning to slip from bed. "You will forever punish me for this?"

Agron grasps Nasir's arm, pulling him back, though it pains his hands. Hands which should have weeks ago cupped Nasir's face while Agron asked him, "How do you feel about this plan of mine, Nasir?"

"Apologies. Tell me, Nasir. I will listen."

"You will listen? As you did when I sought words with you within city walls?" Nasir hisses.

Nasir springs away, begins to pace floor of their tent.

"If I could have confessed my thoughts to you, they would have soon faded from mind! Instead new feelings tormented me! Yet before attraction had even formed you accused me -"

“Apologies, Nasir.” Agron interrupts. He squeezes his eyes shut for moment. To know that he could have prevented this - Nasir's words are like dagger to his beating heart.  “I should have trusted you.”

Nasir comes back to him, presses his body against Agron's and his voice is soft again. "I wanted so badly to have you absolve me of troubling thoughts.

"Agron, when I was freed from dominus...I am young now but I was still younger then... I did not even know my own true desires! As body slave I was meant only for pleasure of dominus. Agron, you yourself bestowed first kiss upon me."

Agron thinks back to that day in Vesuvius temple, Nasir's blank face slowly breaking into smile.

Heartbreaking thought occurs to Agron. "You did not desire me?"

"Yes, of course I did. I held attraction to you from first time we spoke.

“But would you have waited for me? Had I told you collar was scarce torn from neck by Spartacus? That I was not ready and would yet savor freedom alone?" Nasir's voice sinks to whisper.

"Of course!" Agron exclaims, affronted. "Of course I would have waited! I would not force myself upon you!"

"I know that," Nasir hushes. "I only meant: Would you have loved another?"

"Never!" Agron cries.

"You did not even know me then," Nasir gently chides. "As I did not know you. Yet we were as married from moment you kissed me!"

"Was my love at least balm for wounded heart?" Agron asks quietly, hopefully. "Intensity of my emotions did not compound past hurts?"

"To experience your love was as fucking rebirth," Nasir tells him, with glowing fierce eyes.

"Yet you did not love me." Agron cringes. He has made mess of this from start.

Nasir looks abashed. "I do not know. It was so much at once to take in, and at same time under tutelage of Spartacus I was becoming warrior.

"When you left for arena I left offerings to the gods for your safe return. Yet I was glad of space to think. I wore your cloak as talisman to ease guilt of ungrateful thoughts.

"All the time you were gone from me, I thought of my brother Hassan's face as he was wrenched from me in slave market. I pictured your brother dying in your arms in arena - your troubles became my own and pained me.

"When you returned to Vesuvius my heart clenched at sight of you. I was not sure what feeling within my chest truly signified until night we lay together.

“You remade me in your arms that night. You were as a god who comes down to earth and couples with mortal lover. Do you recall how I cried, how you thought I must be in pain, for you were first man to ever enter me? There was pain, yes, but it was sweet pain, for it led to realization of my true feelings. (And know that you remain only man who has had me, Agron!)

“I knew then that I loved you.

“I imagined that when Rome fell I would travel with you to Germania, learning ugly language made beautiful by your lips, and you would no longer curse the gods of Rome but teach me which offerings the gods of your people require.

"I did not ask myself, 'Who is this man, really? What are his faults? What is he meant for after rebellion's end?' Being new to such emotions I was blinded to all else."

"Had you somehow known these things then, what would have been result?" Agron wonders. His heart pounds with dread of hearing truth harsher than he could bear,

Nasir gives question serious thought. His nostrils flare as he spits out his answer: "I would not have smiled at Cilician. And I would never have fucking left you."

Agron watches Nasir's scowling face and realizes that he has never heard Nasir speak so freely. It is both stunning and fascinating to hear quiet man express so much in words instead of loving look or tender hands.

"You are thinking: Nasir has never spoken so much!" Nasir says with a laugh that starts sweetly but ends on bitter note that Agron hates to hear.

Agron silenty nods.

"I hold same fucking thought," says Nasir.

*

They talk all night, speaking over each other, under each other, into each others' mouths, kissing and crying and greedy for one another.

*

"Why do you voice your thoughts so readily now, Nasir? Why have you never told me these things before?"

Nasir sighs. "I have been angry every day of my life, Agron. You do not see it in me, I know. I would not have heaped my burdens upon you. Now I see that I could have prevented much injury to you simply by speaking as I do now."

Agron is troubled to learn that Nasir hides secret self from him. "My injuries were not of your doing, Nasir! But tell me that to which you have not given voice."

And now that he is looking for it, Agron glimpses bottomless vehemence behind mild brown eyes.

He watches Nasir attempt to blink expression away.

Nasir sees him watching and assures, "This is not aimed at you, Agron.

"This anger is at Rome for stealing my own and my brother's lives. At former dominus, who trained me in bedroom arts I would rather have discover at my leisure, not learned by rote for survival's sake.

I am angry at my brother who broke vow to stay by my side. I know now that he was swept up by greater force than himself. Yet my love for him is streaked with bile!

I am angry at myself, for I should have taken you to task when you asked me to go. But Agron! I live to please you and so I was weak."

Agron strokes Nasir's face while Nasir glowers.

Agron has always thought of Nasir as ferocious warrior possessing miraculously gentle center.

He sees now that it is other way around: Nasir's sweet face is mask which obscures a rage.

“Your dominus surely did not teach you such tenderness as you possess," Agron soothes. With his words, fury within Nasir begins to recede.

"You cannot be angrier at Hassan than he must have been at himself for abandoning you. Had he been more than child, I believe he would have killed to remain by your side.

"Even if we have but kindled small blaze to be widened in its reach by larger army still, Rome shall one day burn to ground for its sins against you.

"And you were not wrong in this, Nasir. I was wrong to ask it of you. And Nasir? You are not fucking martyr meant to bear pain while increasing my happiness."

Nasir nods. “I know now. But Agron? Neither are you.”

*

“We may yet die here,” Agron warns Nasir, for thought of losing Nasir still torments him. “I may be slain in battle, and you must promise me now that you will not allow your heart to again fall into disuse.”

“If you should die before I do I will avenge you and then take my own life,' Nasir responds easily. “So know that if you breathe your last upon field of battle we shall soon reunite in afterlife.”

Agron stares at this man who would rather die with him than live for two days without him. Is Agron really worth so much?

“Nasir, you must put my heart to rest by making promise!” he pleads. “Do you not want me to have easy mind? Make vow to me!” He can at least give Nasir this.

“No,” Nasir responds calmly.

“Nasir.” Agron takes Nasir's chin in his hand and kisses him until Nasir is melting into him.

“Agron,” Nasir moans when they pull apart from one another. “No.”

Agron's face contorts with his harsh scream of frustration.

Nasir strokes Agron's face lovingly. “No.”

Agron has been blessed to know his homeland, has waged battle against Gauls.

He has crossed sea however unwillingly to Rome.

Though career was willingly enough cut short by Spartacus' inspiring words, he has stood undefeated warrior of arena's sands.

Where has Nasir been? Born in land he no longer recalls, owned within walls of closed villa, swept up into rebellion.

What has Nasir had? Nothing, except for love of brother who has been torn from him.

And Agron's love, which is going to get Nasir killed.

“I am not good enough for you -” Agron begins.

"You are more than good enough for me!" Nasir interjects, looking insulted at thought. "Though I fear I am not good enough for you, not now..."

Agron stops such useless talk with more kisses, and though his nearly-healed wounds are still tender, Agron is ready now. He spoons his body around Nasir's, takes him with slow savoring strokes.

What little pain Agron's wounds give him is nothing compared to being engulfed by Nasir's clenching warmth, having Nasir's hands clutch and scratch at his shoulders.

*

Morning light suffuses tent as Nasir's eyes implore Agron to believe him. He does not know that Agron has already resolved to trust Nasir in all things.

"I did not tell you of Castus because to have your displeasure aimed at me is worst feeling in world, Agron.

"You still suppose yourself unworthy of me. You have thought that your love for me exceeds mine for you, yet if I told you how I felt – you would shrink from my words."

"Tell me," Agron demands. How often has Nasir said this in words? Hardly ever. It is through touches and sighs and smoldering looks that Nasir tells him.

In hushed voice, Nasir begins to speak. Agron cries as he listens:

"You are bravest man I have ever known: When your battle cry sounds, expanding your chest, I long to be air you breathe in.

"You are most desirable man in existence: When you throw your head back, drinking down watered wine, I am jealous because you do not savor me.

"Life means nothing without you: Had you lain dead upon cross I would have stayed with you without food or water until I no longer lived but joined you in afterlife.

"And in afterlife I would be jealous of paradise, for its wonders threaten to eclipse me in your sight.

"You are lover most skilled: Arms of another man can only recall to mind your embrace.

"I am afraid that your love, which burns so intense it is blinding to reason – both yours and mine, Agron – I am afraid this love shall one day extinguish itself, for such a feeling cannot be sustained. Can it?"

Nasir would go on, but Agron kisses him desperately. He fucks Nasir again, carefully; both of them tremble, fragile as glass.

"Know that I would do anything for you, Nasir! I would give you entire world," Agron pants out afterward. He does not pull softening cock from inside Nasir but pushes in deeper, never wanting to separate.

Nasir's arms tighten around him. "I have never required world from you! Cease making vows and instead listen to me. I know my own heart. Give me only yourself and I shall be more than satisfied. And do not ever again ask me to leave you. Know that I will reject plea and follow you anywhere."

*

Agron looks down at Nasir sleeping wild and naked against him.

It is true, Agron is not meant to be farmer or shepherd.

But he is meant to be whatever Nasir needs.

**Author's Note:**

> So many people looked at this it made me nervous so I edit. Sorry!
> 
> I changed Nasir's brother's name because Hassan is now stuck in my head...
> 
> Also I have Nasir as butt-virgin here because otherwise to me...Agron's words to Nasir are *too* cruel! :(


End file.
